like, dope

Saturday, April 25, 2009

next week is midterm week.

ugh. help me Gawd.

i must say that it is most uneffective to review your lectures on the computer. i just wasted my time net wandering (like what i'm doing now.) i prefer to study the slides from the computer screen since i'm such a cheapskate and i think photocopying or printing notes is such a waste of money, paper, and ink. i know, C-H-E-A-P. but screen studying isn't getting me anywhere. the words aren't just registering to my brain. i'm so willing to pay 2-peso photocopies next finals.

i'm like, missing my long, wavy, matches-all-my-outfits hair. my short hair makes me look like a loser.

i'm the one with long hair, not the afro.

gah ima stop pretending to study and just surf the net all night.

♥ ♥

Monday, April 20, 2009

i'm lost i'm lost i'm lost. i'm soooo dead. i have 2 microbio quizzes and a microbio lab quiz tomorrow (oi yabang very busy), and for the past 3 hours or so i've been studying (or rather, staring) at lectures/endless sea of ppt slides i seriously cannot comprehend. the words all look greek to me now. i mean, i've spent more time reading other people's blogs online than actually studying this shit. ima die tomorrow. GAH.

HOMG: i broke up with my bestfriend again. so bizzaaaarrrre. so pathetic.

♥ ♥

Thursday, April 16, 2009

EHMAGAWD (hahaha), i have my bestfriend back. the geeky crew is back in business.

it started this morning, when i got an unexpected message from her, and ended this afternoon when we gabbed non-stop all afternoon and on the way home. i can't believe it. after almost a YEAR of no communication whatsoever, awkard side-glances and full-on ignoring each other in class (cause we are classmates and believe me it's the hardest thing to ignore your ex-bff when you see her everyday, well not really but whatever), we're finally back together. and i'm happy. well honestly quite precautious. the untimely death of our friendship was over something pathetic (like a significant other who's a total douche-bag), and i'm scared that our newly built friendship would only crumble to ruins once again because of it. oh, whatever. i'll just go with the ebb of the shitty flow.

i need need NEED need need a new camera. i hope this loverly picture of some random person on lookbook will suffice.

i LOVE manclothes.

my classmate said i look so dressed up for school. i am actually. that's what happens when you can't sleep at night obsessing over what you're gonna wear to school the next day.

♥ ♥

summer school has started this week (finally), and i've officially bounced back from my "depression season". i'm utterly grateful that i now have something productive to do. yey for school. i'm so ready to be a nerd.

the week has been uneventful, as usual (after all, i am a lame-ass lunatic). and i just found out that unsurprisingly, i've been demoted from my associate ed position at the school paper. oh joy. of course i was pretty bummed at first. i mean let's admit, the feeling that your capabilities are being underestimated is the not most pleasant feeling in the world. but after a while i got honest with myself, and i learned to accept the fact that, well, i AM lazy. haha. and my laziness is not cut out for such responsibility. maybe now ima just focus on simply writing decent material, and not associate-ruling the school paper realm. it's all good, more time for bumming!

♥ ♥

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

ever felt that you woke up wishing you never did? i've been feeling that, like, all the time already. the other day i had the hardest time getting out of bed. i wished i just sank into the mattress and became a part of it. i think im suffering from chronic depression or something. crying has been commonplace, i'd usually end up crying at random whenever i'm not busy with anything. when my mind gets to wander about and ponder. sometimes i wished i could just shut myself out from every thought that makes me sad; but that's impossible, since the very thing that causes me pain has already been a part of me, like some hideous wart i can't get rid of. everyday i pray that things would get better and i wouldn't end up being so dapressed, but everyday turns out the same. i am scared. and very sad. sadder, i think, than i've ever been. imagine being hit with blows so hard it's almost unimaginable to recover from the pain. i'm drowning, and i don't think i can ever rise to the surface again. i probably died already cause it's been a really deep dive, and i've been struggling for so long. it's like choking on my own bile, shivering about in the cold, crumbling down, being suffocated; it's the emptiness in the pit of my stomach that's eating me alive. i can describe it in so many ways, but overall, it's not pleasant. and i don't like feeling this way at all.

today i just fell apart.

♥ ♥

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